Lesbians are generally defined as women who have physical and romantic attraction toward women. Women who are not strictly women, where their gender identity lies outside the two realms of man and woman, yet have attraction toward women, can also define themselves as lesbians.
The first known reference to lesbianism traces back to Hammurabi’s Code, a Babylonian legal code dating back to about 1700 B.C. It sanctioned women to marry each other.
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Other Names for Lesbians
It is derived from the name of the Greek island of Lesbos, the birthplace of Sappho, an enigmatic woman poet who from very early times wrote poetry containing lesbian themes. “Sapphic” refers to a lesbian orientation and is named for this poet.
Lesbians may also call themselves: gay women and simply gay.
Historically, “queer” was a derogatory word aimed at men and women who were lesbians, gay, or part of the other LGBTQ community. Yet this term has been reclaimed by a number of younger members of the community. Some lesbians identify strongly as queer. In general, queer is taken to mean anybody who is not considered straight.
Some lesbians are certain of their attraction towards girls rather than boys from an early age, while others discover their orientation along the way. You can go through a series of relationships with men before realizing your attraction to women. Each person is different, and there is nothing abnormal about questioning your orientation or even altering how you identify. Sexuality develops at a different pace for different people, and that is just fine.
Asking yourself the following questions can help clarify whether you are a lesbian:
- When I dream or fantasize sexually, who am I thinking about?
- Do I picture myself dating, loving, having sex with, or marrying a woman?
- Have I had a crush on another girl when I was young or a woman as an adult?
- Are my feelings towards men and women different? How so?
- Do I feel uncomfortable when my straight friends flirt and talk about their crushes?
Lesbian Flag
Flags are complex symbols in the LGBTQ+ world that are utilized to celebrate pride, show support, celebrate progress, and envelop political activism.
Two versions of the lesbian flag were created in 2018-one has seven stripes and the other five; in the seven-striped version, the colors and their meanings are:
- Dark orange: gender non-conformity
- Orange: independence
- Light orange: community
- White: unique relationships to womanhood
- Pink: calmness and peace
- Dusty pink: love and sex
- Dark rose: femininity
The colors and meanings of the five-stripe flag in use today break down as follows:
- Dark orange: Suggested non-conformity with gender roles
- Light orange: Homosexuality Affinity for a sense of belonging
- White: Unique relationship to womanhood
- Pink: Peace and tranquillity
- Dark rose: Femininity
Lesbian Stereotypes
Though society has made gigantic and undeniable strides in recent decades, certain misconceptions about lesbians are usually passed.
Stereotype: In a lesbian relationship, one person must be the man.
One partner may take on aspects more stereotypically identified with masculinity, not that this is commonly accepted. Each individual relationship turns out to be different; the dynamics of gender within such relationships completely depend upon the individuals concerned and how they relate to each other.
Stereotype: Lesbians are masculine.
Sexual orientation is distinct from gender expression; sexual orientation refers to attraction, while gender expression is how you express your gender through wearing and other aspects. For instance, not every lesbian wears flannel; in the same manner that not every gay man wears pastel colors; they are like everyone else but have other complexities to themselves.
Stereotype: Lesbians do certain jobs only.
Not all lesbians will be found in sports, coaching, or construction; nor will all gay men be found in the arts or fashion. Some might say that certain fields have a “higher percentage” of gays and lesbians, but perhaps that’s just indicative of how welcoming those fields were when they began. As society becomes accepting, people may feel freer to pursue their interests and choose their jobs for a variety of reasons.
Some stereotypes: Homosexual relationships are fragile.
Gay and lesbian couples are just like anyone else-a few among them have stable, long-standing relationships. Some quarrel, separate, and then reconcile. But societal rejection can place additional burden on gay and lesbian relationships.
Self-Protection and Special Precautions
If you are a lesbian, you may be at higher risk for ailments, including obesity, heart disease, and asthma. Researchers blame this partly on what they call minority stress theory. It says that people from communities that experience discrimination are more likely to face long-term stress, which contributes to health problems.
Lesbians are at an increased risk of breast cancer but are less likely to get a mammogram. Anyone with breasts should talk to their physician about adequate breast cancer screening.
Lesbians are at higher risk of drug and alcohol abuse, leading to health problems including cancer. Higher rates of substance use may be accounted for by minority stress theory.
Lesbian women might not get the required care or attention from gynecologists and other sexual health providers, who may not understand the needs that exist within the LGBTQ+ community. Many of those issues have been caused or aggravated by discrimination and barriers to services, like not having adequate training around LGBTQ+ people.
Lesbian Domestic Violence
Domestic violence awareness movements have put a lot of concentration on how it takes place in heterosexual relationships. However, intimate partner violence does also occur in lesbian relationships.
Studies have shown that people within the LGBTQ+ community can experience all forms of intimate partner abuse, including:
- Physical Violence
- Threats
- Verbal Harassment
- Sexual Violence Such as Rape
Yet other features of domestic abuse may be particular to same-gendered relationships. This may mean threatening to tell people about someone who has not been made aware of one’s sexual orientation. The fear of being outed may make a lover hesitant to ask family or friends for assistance or to approach support agencies for help. This psychological trauma, stemming from negative prior experiences with the police, bullying, or discrimination, can impair one’s ability to seek help.
Other barriers to asking for help in cases of domestic abuse include:
- Stereotypes: Others might think that domestic violence does not occur among lesbian and gay couples.
- Anti-gay bias: This may come from providers, shelters, or other domestic violence survivors.
- Lack of training: Service providers often are ill-equipped to handle issues specific to same-sex relationships.
- Lack of knowledge: You may not know about programs designed for LGBTQ+ survivors of domestic violence.
- Lack of confidence: In light of past experiences, you may not trust that social services and other systems will respond to you effectively.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org, or 800-799-SAFE) offers information to anyone dealing with domestic violence, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. So, from this hotline, one will be able to call and talk about one’s situation and receive referrals to establishments in one’s community. Lists of organizations that deal specifically with the issue in the LGBTQ+ community are maintained by the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
Coming Out as Lesbian
Coming out is the act of revealing your sexuality to friends and family. It should always be your call. It can be a one-off time with a big announcement or a slow reveal to every single one person at a time as you feel comfortable.
If you’re unsure how someone will react to you telling them you’re a lesbian, you might try to figure out what they think about other lesbians. You could:
Ask them what they think about a celebrity lesbian.
Ask what they think about lesbians marrying or adopting children.
Notice if they talk negatively or positively about lesbians.
If you decide to come out, know that there’s no wrong way to do so. Some experts recommend choosing a time and place that makes you feel the most secure and comfortable.
Prepare yourself for the uncomfortable questions. Take some time to think of ways to be on the receiving end of various types of conversation. You might want to compile some informative links or brochures or other papers which your friends and family can read through quickly. PFLAG is a national organization dedicated to supporting people from the LGBTQ+ community and their friends and family. Their Resource page might help you – or the people you’re telling – process your coming out.
In informing others about your being a lesbian, you might use:
- Talking to them face-to-face
- Sending a text
- Making a phone call
- Writing a letter
- Writing an email
Many people find acceptance amongst family and friends when they come out, while others face rejection. In extreme cases, this can become a safety issue. Therefore, consider having a plan for your transportation, food, and accommodation, so as to be safe and sound after coming out.
Takeaways
Basically, if you are a lesbian, you are a woman or a nonbinary person who is romantically and sexually attracted to women. The word “lesbian” comes from the Greek island of Lesbos, home of the poet Sappho. Some people know their sexual orientation from an early age; others may take years before things become clear. These rites of passage are not learned, but rather lived; there is no one definition. They also tend to exhibit some additional health risks, including stress from discrimination that can negatively impact health. Knowing these risks can lead a lesbian woman to take better care of herself.
Lesbian Frequently Asked Questions
What does LGBTQI mean?
It is an umbrella term that refers to a community of people whose sexual orientation is not heterosexual and whose gender identity is not cisgender, which means they feel comfortable as the gender to which they were assigned at birth.
The letters stand for:
- Lesbian
- Gay
- Bisexual
- Transsexual
- Queer- or this can also stand for Questioning-those who are exploring their sexual orientation or gender identity
- Intersex, those born with a medical condition of chromosomes or reproductive systems not matching either traditionally defined set of male or female.
Some people and organizations have expanded the acronym to LGBTQ+ to define further orientations and gender expressions.
When did homosexuality start?
Experts agree, for the most part, that same-sex relationships have existed across cultures and throughout time, whether they were accepted by society or not.
NEXT: 10 Essential Questions About Sexual Orientation: Unpacking Identity, Attraction, and Misconceptions
